Way of the Sarcastic and Rude
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving ain't for you.
Someone told me to get a life, but I'm not sure where to download that from.
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys.
Warning: The above post may contain sarcasm.
If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space.
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
Question authority and the Authorities will question you.
Quitters never win, and winners never quit, but those who never quit AND never win are idiots
I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.
If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!
Today is tomorrow's yesterday...Does that mean today is yesterday’s tomorrow too? @-@ Weird...
You're only young once... you can be immature forever.
I can please only one person a day, and today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
My mind works like lightning... one brilliant flash and it's gone.
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious issues.
Me and the people in my head voted...the result was unanimous...We ALL hate you.
Death is life's way of telling you - you're fired.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I don’t need your attitude, I have one of my own.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
You are my friend and I'll always be there for you. When you cry, I cry, when you hurt, I hurt...When you jump off a bridge-Dude I'm suuuuuuure gonna miss ya!
You have the right to remain silent...anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
You're just jealous because the voices only speak to me.
Never go to bed angry... stay up and plot your revenge.
Come to the dark side... We have cookies.
If it weren't for physics, and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.
I'm not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm?
Tell me, where is this bright-side you speak of?
Admit nothing. Deny everything. Make counter accusations.
If you secretly hoped to get a letter from Hogwarts when you were 11, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you're one of those people who think that copying and pasting these into your profile is pointless, but do it anyway, copy and paste this into your profile.
Quotes!!
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
"People who say anything is possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."
"Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience."
"When ever I go to weddings old people poke me and say "you'll be next!" When I go to funerals I do the same thing."
"Ever stop to think and forget to start again?"
"Come over to the dark side...We have cookies!"
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?"
"I'm on a mission to save the world (I can't believe they trusted me with this)."
"Amateurs built the ark, but professionals built the Titanic."
"I'm so done, turn me over."
"But why is the rum gone!"
"There's a light at every tunnel, just pray it’s not a train."
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
"I'm so sane it's driving me crazy."
"When life gives you lemons make apple juice and let the world wonder how."
"There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled."
"One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject."
"Silence is golden, duct tape is silver."
"Life isn't passing me by, it’s trying to run me over."
"Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up."
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it’s already tomorrow in Australia"
"Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid."
"So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?"
"Yeah, I’m a loser. But the coolest loser you'll ever meet"
"I am generally very brave. Today, I just happen to have a headache"
"You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!"
"'It’s always the last place you look'. Well of course it is! Why the heck would I keep looking after I found it!"
"When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really? Who likes lemons?"
"When Life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!"
"I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me."
"Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend."
"Tell the truth and run."
"If electricity comes from electrons, where do you think morality comes from?"
"If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something."
"A good friend will always bail you out of jail. A best friend is sitting there next to you saying 'Man that was fun!'"
"Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies."
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism
On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??)
On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...??)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And I am taking this...because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On packet of Nobbys' Peanuts:-
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)
